I Can Has Gluten Free Bread
After way too long I am back to writing. I’m gonna be honest, I HATE WRITING. I’m really not good at it. I tend to say the same thing over and over again, and I can’t for the life of me find a way to translate my humor onto the page. Oh, and I love to use commas, way to many commas.
But, it’s a new year and a great time to say, “this year I get better and learn to like writing, or at the least tolerate it”
So here goes.
It was a typical Sunday morning, I drank my coffee in the dark early winter light, walked with the dog and began my day. I had the unexpected pleasure having a class cancel late, and all of a sudden my day opened up to whatever I wanted to do. I had been fantasizing about bread for weeks now. In late September I embarked on a 30 day sugar cleanse. I loved it and decided to keep going. I won’t get into too much detail (look out next blog post!) but there are foods that just weren’t in my sights anymore. Bread, you naughty bitch, was one of them. Truth be told, I didn’t eat very much of it to begin with. Most GF/Vegan breads are for lack of nicer language, gross. And brick like. And did I mention gross?
This was to be, the morning I created the best, most delicious, most un-brick like GF/ not quite Vegan bread. I started with 3 recipes, 3 chances to get it right, 3 opportunities to create greatness. 3 chances to make millions of dollars. I knew I wanted to use coconut flour instead of a grain flour, I had to use hazelnut meal instead of almond meal (damn you allergies!) and I wanted to incorporate flax meal.
The first bread was akin to wallpaper paste. No flavor, oddly enough it had a decent texture but still not very good. I think if herbs were added it would make an interesting alternative flatbread. The second was just wrong, so very wrong. I created a base and the loaded up on seeds and nuts. I brushed the top with honey and popped it in the oven. I daydreamed that this was gonna be it, this would be my masterpiece. There are no words to describe how awful this loaf was. And so the third loaf was born. Built on the tears of failure and wallpaper paste.
I don’t know how but I had managed to create something so delicious. The third loaf was everything I wanted: soft, a little sweet, a little cakey and a lot good. I cried out to Mike (man of my dreams) “quit your job, Ive done it! We’re gonna be rich, rich I say!!” He laughed and wept as he devoured it.
This recipe can be interpreted in many different ways. You can use almond instead of hazelnut, any milk you like and any starch you prefer. You can use agave syrup instead of honey. I chose to use cornstarch and 1% lactose free milk because thats what I had on hand. When I make this again I will use arrowroot and hemp milk. Because why not. Also delicious with a mashed banana folded in.
Hazelnut Meal Quick Bread
1 + 1/2 cups Hazelnut meal
3/4 cups Corn starch
1 TSP Baking soda
4 TBSP Flax Meal( I chose to grind my own golden flax seeds)
1/2 Cup Lactose free milk
2 TSP Apple Cider Vinegar
2 TSP Honey
2 TBSP Egg replacer + 1/2 cups hot water (Mix in seperate bowl, add in last after wet ingredients)
Salt to taste ( about 1 TSP)
Pre heat oven to 350
Combine all dry ingredients a bowl, sift well
Combine all wet ingredients in seperate bowl, mix and let sit for a minute or two
Add wet to dry
Line a loaf pan with parchment paper, evenly distribute batter and place on middle oven rack
Bake for 30 minute or till golden brown on top and firm to touch
Enjoy!
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